Car seats part 2: Rear-facing past one year

It's been awhile since my last post, I've been super busy over the last few weeks and haven't had a chance to put anything together. But I have something really valuable to share today! It's a topic that typically stirs up quite a bit of controversy from those who feel passionately about either side of the issue, and teasing from those who don't. 

For years, probably since car seats became mandatory, the law has been that an infant may not be turned to face forward in a vehicle until they reach both 1 year of age AND 20lbs. It has become somewhat of a universal standard. Anyone who has kids knows this rule. Most parents have complied with this and haven't questioned it too much. But change is in the air and it's causing a lot of confusion. The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that children remain rear-facing in a vehicle until a *minimum* of 2 years, but ideally until the child exceeds either the height or weight limit specified by the car seat manufacturer.

So why should we keep our children rear-facing until 2 years old?

Have you ever had to slam on the brakes and had your head go forward? Been in an accident and got whiplash? Our neck muscles are much, much more developed and able to support the weight of our heads. But infants and toddlers have disproportionately large heads and severely less developed neck muscles. On top of that, their vertebrae are not fused together and are still soft. The force of a collision could easily cause internal decapitation. The head is so heavy and unsupported, and the shoulders are tightly restrained by the straps. All of that force gets placed on the head, pulling it so violently forward that it can snap the spinal cord at the base of the neck, resulting in death.

(Seriously, watch this video. It's 38 seconds long and very accurately demonstrates the physics of what I'm describing here.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKIeExpDLDA&noredirect=1

In a collision of equal force where the child is rear-facing, the force gets distributed through the entire body. The car seat cocoons their head, neck, shoulders, and trunk. Rear-facing children can survive accidents of much greater severity with little to no injury, as opposed to those who are forward-facing. It is 5 times safer for a child under 2 to be rear-facing. Each step up in car seats is a step down in safety. It's not an exciting milestone to turn them around in their "big kid" car seats, in fact I dread the day my kids will be too tall or heavy to sit rear-facing. If I could keep them that way forever I would. When you know better, you do better.

An overwhelming number of parents are scoffing at this recommendation. Some typical thoughts are as follows:

• Why should my kid have to sit backwards for another year? Babies have been surviving for years being turned around at 1.
• My kid hates sitting rear-facing. All he does is cry and scream. He's much happier facing forward.
• My kid wants to see what's going on through the windows.
• My kid wants to be able to see me and talk to me. She'll be so lonely and sad if she's facing away from everyone.
• Poor kid, how embarrassing. Everyone is going to tease him for being so big in that seat. He's a big boy now, stop being mean and turn him around.
• Poor kid, her legs are squished against the seat! That can't be comfortable.
• With his legs squished like that, don't you think he'd break them if you got in a wreck?
• I won't be able to share my french fries with my kid while I'm driving if he's rear-facing.

And here are my educated responses:

• Sure, all the babies who have been fortunate enough have survived. But what about all of the babies who weren't as lucky? Car accidents are the leading cause of death for children under 18. Countless babies and toddlers have been killed in car accidents. If they had been rear facing at the time of the collision, the fatalities would have been five times less.
• There are days when my daughter does nothing but scream the entire time she is in her car seat. It is extremely irritating and just grinds on that last nerve, threatening my sanity. It makes me sad to hear her so upset, but I know it is for her protection. So I roll the windows down, turn the fan on high, and turn up the music. It soothes us both. There are times when my son wants to play with a steak knife. He can scream and cry all he wants, but he will not be playing with knives anytime soon. If I hold his hand to keep him from running out into heavy traffic, he might scream and cry. Go right ahead and have that tantrum buddy, your ass is not going to become road kill. When did it become our job as parents to put our children's temporary happiness above their safety and well-being? As distracting and annoying as it is to hear a child crying, I would much rather hear my kids scream for the entire car ride than to never hear them make another sound again.
• Malakai can see a whole lot through the windows despite the rear-facing angle. He happily points out big trucks, people with dogs, helicopters, firetrucks, birds, you name it. He has a great view through the side windows. He can see everything out to the side and behind us. He shouts out our destination as soon as it's in sight. He is not being visually deprived in the least. It's not like most forward-facing toddlers are tall enough to see out the front windshield anyway, they have the same range of sight as a rear-facing kid, only it's to the side and the front.
• Malakai can't see me while I'm driving. We still talk a lot. He knows I'm there. We sing songs, count, point things out along the road, recite the alphabet, name everyone in the family, imitate animal sounds... He's not lonely. Even if he were forward-facing, I would not be looking at him, I'd be watching the road in front of us. We don't have to see each other in order to interact.
• I'd rather him be teased and safe than the alternative. Anyway, the only one making fun of him so far is you, ya big jerk!
• Malakai's feet touched the seat many months ago. He is still very comfortable even during two-hour trips. He just bends his legs. When kids are playing, how often do they actually sit with their legs straight in front of them, unrestricted? Most of the time they sit in crazy positions that us adults would never find comfortable. On their knees with their feet under them, criss-cross-applesauce, or knees out to the sides with feet behind them (like a W). Having to bend or cross their legs in the car seat is no big deal to a toddler.
• If you got in a wreck and the kid's feet were pressed up against the seat, their legs most likely wouldn't break. Simple physics. An object in motion stays in motion. So unless you're driving in reverse at top speeds, your kid's body isn't suddenly going to start traveling toward the rear of the car in an accident. Their whole body, legs included, will naturally continue forward motion. But yes, in some cases a leg may be broken. But guess what. Broken leg? Cast it. Broken neck? Casket.
• Okay, if sharing your french fries with your kid is a priority during car travels, find another way to do it. Order him his own small fry. Separate a few of yours into one of those nifty snack containers and give it to him. Pull over and sit in the back with him to eat together. Go into McDonald's and order your fries, then you two can sit face to face and have meaningful discussions, all while enjoying the added benefit of having ketchup to dip your fries in. Be a sneaky jerk like me and say "french fries? What french fries? I don't have any sweetie, sorry. *nom nom nom*" Just please do not risk your child's life over a handful of delicious, artery-clogging snacks. And if you still want to forward-face your child, at least come up with a less ridiculous reason to do so.

*Disclaimer* If you have a child and have chosen to turn their car seats forward before the age of 2, I fully understand that it is your choice. However, it is my goal to share this information with as many people as I possibly can in hopes of saving lives in the future. What you choose to do with it is out of my hands. It is not my intention to damage any friendships over this post.

Now for the cuteness:

This is Leila. She is almost 15 months old and weighs 22lbs. By law, I could have turned her car seat around as soon as she turned 1. She met both of the 12 month *and* 20lb criteria. But that is a *minimum* requirement. My child is not a minimum. I want more than minimal safety for her. Anyway, this is what it would look like if she were forward-facing.

This is exactly perfect, if I were choosing to keep her this way. The car seat has a rock solid install, doesn't wiggle at all at the belt path. Very secure. Her straps are snug, cannot be pinched at all, chest clip is at her armpits. Beautiful. If you do choose to forward-face, please be sure everything is snug and high. A loose harness or too-low chest clip will not be very helpful in an accident and may cause extra damage to your baby.

This is how she actually sits:

Again, this is proper use of the car seat. Tight install, straps are snug, chest clip is high. Her feet have just recently started to touch the seat, but it doesn't bother her at all. 

I have to admit that when I put her in the forward-facing way to take the picture, I felt a twinge of temptation. It was slightly easier to put her in and get her buckled, no awkward bending required. It was much less intrusive and took up way less space in my van. We'd have more leg room in the front. But, I know it is much safer to keep her this way as long as possible. This car seat, the Diono Radian RXT, can be used RFing until 45lbs *or* the child has less than one inch of hard shell above the top of their head, whichever comes first. I plan to keep her RFing until then, which could easily be until she's 4 years old. That's okay with me. There will be plenty of time for her to sit forward-facing after that. This seat can ultimately be used up to 120lbs, but I'll save that for another post. ;)

No-poo: natural hair care

You're probably laughing and thinking "what the heck is no-poo?!" It is a method of taking care of your hair without using commercial shampoos and conditioners. Now you're probably thinking "gross, why would anyone not want to use shampoo?" I thought the same thing. But shampoos and conditioners are full of chemical ingredients that completely strip all of the natural oils out of our hair and throw off the pH balance, and they can also be dangerous to our health. Because all of the natural moisture and protection is washed away, our bodies overcompensate by producing excessive amounts of oils in an attempt to restore the moisture to the hair. This causes the vicious cycle of perpetually greasy hair that needs to be shampooed, conditioned and tamed with a concoction of different styling products on a daily basis. It would seem like not shampooing it would cause hair to become more greasy, but when you give your hair natural conditions, it will return to a normal, self-balancing state.

The no-poo method is great for restoring health to hair that has been stripped or damaged. It uses three common household items that are dirt cheap and easy to mix. Water, baking soda, and apple cider vinegar. The baking soda gently cleanses without removing all of the natural oils. It removes enough to leave your hair feeling clean and looking glossy. The apple cider vinegar has the same pH as our hair, and it seals the cuticle which leaves hair smoother and prevents breakage and split ends. When you first make the switch, your body will be a little bit confused and there will be a transition period when your hair feels a little bit too greasy and you might think it's not going to work. But after a few days or weeks your scalp will stop overcompensating for the previously dry hair and you'll notice a decrease in oil production. Your hair will maintain it's own proper balance of natural oils after it gets adjusted.

Things you'll need:

• water
• baking soda
• unfiltered apple cider vinegar (not apple cider flavored distilled vinegar.)
• 2 bottles (water bottles or old shampoo bottles)
• essential oil of your choice for adding fragrance (optional, I use vanilla in jojoba oil)

Step 1:

Find out how much liquid your containers hold. I use recycled 16.9oz water bottles. That's 2 cups. In the first bottle, put 1 tbsp of baking soda per cup of water that it will hold. Fill the bottle with water and shake it up until all the baking soda dissolves. Add 5-10 drops of essential oil if you are using any.

Step 2:

In the second bottle, put 1 tbsp of apple cider vinegar per cup of water that it will hold. Fill it up with water and shake until all of the vinegar is mixed in. Add 5-10 drops essential oil if you want. Remember to shake each bottle briefly before each use to make sure everything is mixed well.

Step 3:

It might be helpful to label the bottles. The baking soda mixture is #1, vinegar is #2. In the shower, wet your hair with water. Squeeze out the excess. Pour a small amount of the baking soda water on the top of your head and let it soak down toward the ends of your hair. Using your hands, gently work the liquid through all of your hair. You should only need an ounce or so, depending on the length. You will not even come close to using 1/4 of the bottle. Without rinsing, repeat with the vinegar water. Work it through your hair. It should feel smooth, clean, and soft. Rinse thoroughly with water. That's it! Your hair will not smell like vinegar, it will just smell like... hair.

note: this is how much is left after I have used each of these twice. I don't need much at all, my hair ends just above my shoulders.

You might be totally skeptical and think this is absolutely nuts. But I dare you to try it for 2 weeks. I've always had a hard time with shampoo and conditioner. No matter how fancy it was, everything I tried left my hair dry, poofy and dull. I always had tons of random hairs sticking out in all directions and I never felt like I could just shower and be out the door with wet hair, because it would look stupid when it dried. It usually looked and felt the best after 2 days of not washing, for a little while, and then suddenly it was super greasy and nasty. Since I started using this method my hair feels healthy and smooth the first day. It still gets a little bit dry sometimes, but it has improved so much. It's definitely worth a shot. Let me know if you decide to try it and how it works for you!

Car seats part 1: most common errors

Car seats, everyone is familiar with them. Lots of people use them almost every day. We all know how to properly adjust them to fit our little ones. Or do we? It's kind of shocking how often I see improper car seat use. I'm sure people don't intentionally buckle their kids in the wrong way, but sadly it isn't pointed out much so people honestly just don't know they are doing it. Pediatricians don't really get into car seat talk, and most other influences in a new parent's sphere are probably also unaware. I was that way, until I got sucked into the black abyss that is BabyCenter and read about it only 5,692 times. I took some pictures to demonstrate a few of the most overlooked errors, and I must say that my model is pretty stinkin' adorable.

I see kids buckled in like this all the time. The straps are very loose, there is too much slack. The chest clip is too low on the belly and could cause internal injuries in an accident. A child may also be able to bring their arms up and out of the harness which could be extremely dangerous. I know, because one time we didn't quite have it high enough and he did exactly that.

If you can pinch the straps together, they are too loose. Too much slack in the straps allows too much movement in an accident and doesn't protect the child the way that it should.

This shows correct car seat use. The straps are very tight, unable to be pinched together. They are pulled snugly against the child's body and will properly hold them against the seat in an accident. The chest clip must be at armpit level at all times to effectively keep the straps on the child's shoulders.


It's surprising how much of a difference a change of clothes makes in the way the straps fit. I find that I have to readjust them each time I put him in the seat. I usually loosen the straps an inch or so to make it easier to slide the straps up over his arms, and then after it's buckled I make sure to pull it as snugly as I can and check to make sure that I can't pinch the straps together. Then I slide the chest clip up alllll the way to his armpits. A lot of people think I'm being a little bit crazy and paranoid and overprotective *cough cough, mother-in-law...*, but it's really, really important to make sure it's done correctly every single time. It only takes ten seconds longer than doing it the old way. You never know when you could get in an accident, and if you do, you definitely want your precious cargo to be fully protected.

First post!

Wow, my very first blog post! I created this blog because I am a young mother who doesn't want to just go with the flow, and I am swimming against the current to find my ideal way in life. I aspire to learn and grow along with my children and make the best decisions I possibly can for them and myself. In our culture we are so surrounded by dangers that we are blissfully unaware of. Many of us blindly follow the advice and recommendations of others who have good intentions, but may not be up to date with current information. I make it my daily goal to learn something new so that I can better protect my family's health and well being.

A little introduction on myself: I am 19 years old and happily married to Zach, my very best friend and companion. Together we have two toddlers and another bundle of joy on the way. Malakai is 28 months old (that's almost two and a half years, if you don't want to do the math) and he is a very spirited little ball of fire. This kid has more energy than I can believe. He takes after his dad, always wanting to run faster, climb higher, and play harder. Sleep is for the weak, right? Leila is 13 months old and full of attitude. She can be really sweet and cuddly when she wants to be, but she has a mean side. She practically came out of the womb giving dirty looks. Watch out, she's good with that eyebrow. She just started walking a few weeks ago and is already catching up to big brother. Pretty soon they'll both be doing all the crazy things Daddy does and I will never be able to relax again. Our third and last baby will be arriving sometime around January 30th 2013, and the gender will be a surprise. I am planning on having a natural, peaceful birth in the water at home. I am fascinated by pregnancy and birth, and I hope to be a midwife one day so that I can help other women achieve their own ideal births.

I started this blog so that as I grow I can also be a light to other young parents, as well as anyone else who might be searching for something more, and trying to make sense of all the information that is out there. I am learning about safe and inexpensive alternatives for common household items, healthier eating to avoid many of the common additives and pesticides that are responsible for a lot of the health issues that are running rampant in America, ways to better relate to my children with a gentle parenting style, and I am trying to be more eco-friendly as well as save money by using cloth diapers and reducing waste in our house. I will be sharing what I find on this blog, along with stories of my failures and triumphs, and of course all the amazing and hilarious things my kids do. Thanks for reading!